Football, Hotels & Sexual Assault

I really don't know what it is about footballers nowadays, a week rarely goes by without the news of a footballer being investigated for banging a hooker, sometimes a teenage hooker, sometimes a fifty-something hooker, but a hooker none the less. If it's not banging a hooker, it's crashing a car or assaulting someone in a bar, being caught on CCTV, and still managing to avoid prosecution.

I've now just read that Titus Bramble has been arrested on suspicion of rape. He now joins a rather large, and seemingly ever expanding, list of footballers who've fallen foul of the law or journalists recently. Steven Gerard punched some guy in a bar, Wayne Rooney can't stop fucking hookers, Peter Crouch apparently paid a large quantity of cash to bang some, frankly, rather average looking slut in Spain, Ashley Cole who was banging Cherly Cole mind you, managed to blow that by sleeping with some other chick. Joey Barton spends more time in prison than he does in the box.

I used to play five a side football during my lunch hour and not once did we ever stop off on the way back to the office for a quick rape or violent assault. We also managed to avoid crashing whatever car we were travelling in, usually mine as I remember.

But then I was never a professional footballer.

Enemies Of Reason

I watched Enemies Of Reason last night with Professor Richard Dawkins. That's to say that I watched a show in which the good professor featured, I wasn't with him watching it, and honestly it was like being hit round the head with a very small idiot being wielded by a much larger idiot.

I really don't know how he keeps his temper, I wanted to punch my TV after about three minutes and my mood just got worse. The show had a run time of about two hours.

Psychics, mediums, homeopaths, reiki healers, horoscopes, chakras, tarot card readers, crystal ball readers, angels, spirit guides, dowsers, religious kooks and, of course, Deepak-fucking-Chopra.

Two hours plus of the kinds of scams you'd have to have been lobotomised by a masturbating monkey to fall for, yet there there were, lining up like well dressed extras from the latest zombie flick, queueing to buy the latest quackery from the weirdest quack they could find.

People often claim that Dawkins is 'shrill', if I was presenting that show you'd have seen a working demonstration of 'shrillness' applied in liberal doses with a fucking baseball bat.

Boiler Parts, Boiler Parts Everywhere, But Not a Drop of Hot Water.

The fucking boiler has packed in again. The Plumber, I'm using that term loosely, apparently fixed it on thursday, but didn't realise the water dripping from the bottom was not part of normal operation. I made the connection and that's without years in Plumber College.

I also love the way he gives the kitchen that 'Just Burgled Look' before he leaves.

/b/

If there's one thing I've learnt on my interweb travels over the years is that you dont fuck with 4chan. Ever.