Football, Hotels & Sexual Assault

I really don't know what it is about footballers nowadays, a week rarely goes by without the news of a footballer being investigated for banging a hooker, sometimes a teenage hooker, sometimes a fifty-something hooker, but a hooker none the less. If it's not banging a hooker, it's crashing a car or assaulting someone in a bar, being caught on CCTV, and still managing to avoid prosecution.

I've now just read that Titus Bramble has been arrested on suspicion of rape. He now joins a rather large, and seemingly ever expanding, list of footballers who've fallen foul of the law or journalists recently. Steven Gerard punched some guy in a bar, Wayne Rooney can't stop fucking hookers, Peter Crouch apparently paid a large quantity of cash to bang some, frankly, rather average looking slut in Spain, Ashley Cole who was banging Cherly Cole mind you, managed to blow that by sleeping with some other chick. Joey Barton spends more time in prison than he does in the box.

I used to play five a side football during my lunch hour and not once did we ever stop off on the way back to the office for a quick rape or violent assault. We also managed to avoid crashing whatever car we were travelling in, usually mine as I remember.

But then I was never a professional footballer.