The Odd Delusion

I've noticed that an awful lot of these awful religious fellows seem to garner an awful amount of media coverage, weather they're expressing dismay at the latest scientific finding, defending radical Muslims under the guise of freedom or swearing blind they never, ever, ever, fucked any kids in the ass or face.

Why is it that whenever these people open their mouths the British media can't wait to tell us all what they say ? No one is phoning Paul Daniels or David Blaine to ask them about acceptable timescales for abortion so why do these other tricksters get so much coverage ? What about Uri "Spoon-bender" Gellar ? Isn't his opinion on the Iraq war just as valid as the Pope's ?

On that note I'll be dedicating this post to religious insanity from around the world I'll add links below to anything mad and religious.

It's the Mohammad The Bear Show -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7112929.stm

What about the wonderful Catholic Church, who would appear to be too busy raping kids to worry about blasphemy-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3872499.stm

Introducing those crazy Greek Orthodox guys -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6952100.stm

Here is a great tale of Catholic lateral thinking -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6939692.stm

Continuing the Muhammad The Bear Show -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7118245.stm

Oral Roberts Evangelical Corruption (Why is it that Corruption fits so well after Evangelical ?) -

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uslatest/story/0,,-7102124,00.html

Hindu's don't brook being ignored by their gods -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/7132124.stm

Algerian Suicide Bombers -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7137997.stm

Religion + Guns = America -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7140409.stm

It's old news but I've only just discovered it and it's hilarious -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/5049082.stm

Hair ad banned after using biblical type language -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7291155.stm

Orthodox Jews regard common-law couples as prostitutes -

(Warning - contains pictures of dolts in stupid hats)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7302433.stm

Religious tolerance doesn't extend to gays -

(Warning - contains pictures of pig ugly christian chicks)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7448829.stm

Bam ! Don Vito, Bam !

Jackass hunk Don Vito has fallen foul of the law again, this time by choosing to molest underage girls in public. The Viva La Bam ! star was found guilty of two counts of sexual assault on a child and aquitted on a third charge.

When the verdict was announced Vito was said to have fallen to the floor of the courthourse exclaiming "Just kill me now !". Reports that Colorado State plan to charge Vito with a further count of damage to public property, namely the floor his giant bulk damaged when he fell, are, as yet, unconfirmed.

Why, oh why would a man with his charm, charisma and film star good-looks need to molest underage girls is beyond me.

The Link is Dead, Long Live The Links

It has recently been reported in the press that TV-Links, one of my favourite web-sites, has been closed for providing links to video clips shown on Google-video, You-Tube and other such digital video streaming sites.

But to close TV-Links for merely pointing the way to video hosted on other sites, seems to smack of cowardice on the parts of FACT (Federation Absolving Cunts and Twats) and the CPS. It's a bit like arresting the guy who points you in the direction of the drug dealer, without actually taking any action against the dealer himself. I smell a rat, a big fat juicy corporate rat.

Looks like it's back to good old Azureus* for my Dexter downloads then !!

*I would never advocate the use of Azureus for the downloading and distribution of copyrighted material through the Bit Torrent network - uTorrent is a far superior client.

Pussycat, Pussycat, I love You !

After arriving back from the Rugby (Wales v Japan) last night I sat through the ITV news. Amongst the "news" was a very brief story on the sad deaths of two British Servicemen in Afghanistan, no more than a minute or two at the most. This was followed by a story about the shocking revelation that BBC bosses may well have chosen the name for Blue Peter's cat rather than go with the results of a phone in. The story ran for what seemed like hours, yet I suspect it was no more than five minutes, and had analysis of the scandal in a quality not yet applied to either the Iraq or Afghan crisis.

I'm more than aware that some of this could be classed as one-upmanship by ITV over the BBC but what right minded journalist doesn't see the problems inherent within the system if the naming of a fucking moggie warrants more mainstream news time than the deaths of British Soldiers abroad.

I was going to end this post with a witty one liner based upon the term Pussy-footing around, but I just could not bring myself to do it. What a pussy I am. Shit.

There's No Business Like Showbusiness

According to recent reports, Chris Langham (pictured) pleaded not-guilty to child porn charges because he didn't want to be labelled a paedophile. Don't download kiddie porn then you fucking retard. Or, if you must download it, don't store it on your PC, use a flash drive or burn it to disc for God's sake . The name "Gary Glitter" not ringing any alarm bells for you Chris ?

Also, and I don't know when this started to happen, but every time I see a picture of Mr Langham (I'm calling him that because it sounds more sinister, what with Chris not sounding like a kiddie fiddler really) he looks more and more like a child molester. I'm not sure whether this is subliminal on the media's part, or just a sign of my ever weakening resolve, but either way he's looking more and more like a baby rapist to me.

Maybe it's those Gestapo specs ?

Rebel Yell !

Moore, Moore, Moore !


In a blinding return to form, squinty star-gazer, Patrick Moore has caused uproar at the BBC by suggesting the cause of the current state of television programming can be laid firmly at the feet of women !

The presenter said: "The trouble is the BBC now is run by women and it shows soap operas, cooking, quizzes, kitchen-sink plays. You wouldn't have had that in the golden days."

The "Golden Days" ? What "Golden Days" ? Pre-penicillin ? I notice that you're still on the tube Pat, should we blame that on women too ?


Whilst I'll be the first to admit that television in its latest incarnation is at its worst mindless drivel, there are still plenty of decent shows being put out via the BBC - one you get past Strictly Come Pap Idol On Ice - I mean doesn't Tribe return tonight ?


Television may well be going the way of the charts, disposable, throwaway, elevated elevator music, but I don't think we can lay all the blame for this at women - I mean surely they can't be responsible for creating, transmitting and watching this can they ? If that was the case who'd be doing the washing-up ?

AACS, DRM, MPAA, UPURS

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

Oops !

I Have Nothing To Declare Except My Genius

Coldplays' Chris Martin has described a track written for Coldplays' next album as "basically genius", saying it could well be their best composition yet.

Not really saying that much though is it ? Chris Martin's idea of Genius, I'm guessing, is a long way off what, say, Beethoven would suggest as musical genius and, lets be fair, if the song was simply "almost tuneful" it would still be their best composition yet.

Chris, you write contrite, banal, boring pop which appeals to a species that also enjoys Big Brother and Pop Idol, don't pretend the general populace, much like yourself, would appreciate or even recognise musical genius if it formed a terrorist cell and embarked upon a suicide bombing tour of London.

Fuck Off Coldplay, fuck right off.

Dearly Departed

So Scorsese, or the human eye-brow as he is otherwise know, has finally been given an Oscar, although this year it would appear to have been given out of pity rather than any genuine sense of Movieland achievement.

The Departed is a, sadly, inferior remake of a Hong Kong movie entitled "Infernal Affairs", starring Andu Lau and Tony Leung, but even with such heavy-weight actors as Jack Nicholson, playing - yes you guessed it, Jack Nicholson, the films never lives up to the hype or the original.

Every year Scorsese comes out with another shitty movie, trying desperately to make another Goodfellas and every year we get the same calls for an Oscar for what are usually two hours plus of drivel. The only exception this year is that he actually got one.

Adam Sandler - your time shall be soon.

Hey ! It's a Little Fat Kid !!

Check out tubby ! This fat little fuck is only eight years old and already he weighs in at a blobby 14 stone.

He's gained all this weight, his mother claims, because he doesn't like fruit and vegetables as he prefers processed foods. As Ms McKeown, 35, told the BBC: "Connor had a mouthful of apple once and he didn't like it."

Maybe if the fat bastard had removed the trees from the orchard before chewing he might have enjoyed his fruit experience - who knows ?

This Jabba wannabe does have a bike and trampoline, but can't use them for more than 10 minutes at a time as it causes him to vomit. No shit, just thinking about this tub of lard bounce up and down for minutes at a time has me reaching for the sick bag too !

A spokeswoman for North Tyneside Council and North Tyneside Primary Care Trust, a spokeswoman said on Sunday: "We share the concerns over the child's health and well-being."

"The child's interests are paramount."

Sounds to me like this childs interest are Cake, Chips and Lard - in that order !

BBC - Keeping Britain Racist

Nice little racist slip from a BBC reporter on the news last evening. On commentating on the latest series of 'arrests' in Birmingham, the studio reporter asked "How is this affecting relations between the English and Muslims ?" ! Am I to believe that Muslims are not considered to be English nowadays ?

Big Brothers Big Kerfuffle

What a fantastic fuss over nothing. Two retards shouting insults at each other causes the biggest fuss this side of the illegal invasion of Iraq. Sadly its come too late for Saddam.

If you thought five minutes of BB was abusive - and what right-minded individual wouldn't - pop down to Ninian Park on the 17th Feb, it's Cardiff City v Leeds Utd. Now that is proper abuse.

She is gorgeous mind you.

Follow Suit, Bitch !

So Pinochet has finally done the decent thing and croaked, personally I hope he suffered but I doubt it.

Are you watching Thatcher ?

Bitch.

Crocodile Tears

It, at first, sounded like a terrible accident but as details of one one mans horrendous ordeal at the jaws of a 12ft Alligator emmerged all became very clear.

It took four brave members of the Polk County Sheriffs Department to pull Adrian Apgar, 45, free from the mouth of the hungry beast after receiving reports of a mans screams in the early hours.

What's the problem ? I hear you cry. Well consider this little gem from the Polk County Sheriffs Office as reported by BBC News Online - .

"Police said it was unclear why he was in the water in the early hours, but he had admitted taking crack cocaine."

I'll tell you why he was in the water being mauled by Alligators at four in the fucking morning, because he was high on crack, thats why.

Going Down

The companies network servers haven't worked for the last two days, meaning I have access to email and the World Wide Web only, no spreadsheets or Finance systems. Hasn't impacted on my job too much.

This WWW thing certainly loses some of its appeal when you take away the pr0n aspect of it. I mean I like BBC News as much as the next man but there only so much bad news about Iraq I can take before I need to surf over to www.megajugs.com and get some daily exercise. Sadly I can't do this in work - fucking open plan office bastards !

An early finish yesterday and I can't see me hanging around too long today. Three cheers for modern technology.

Almost Dead

At least it feels that way. I've returned from Manchester, lovely place by the way, with a stinking cold, headache and sore throat. To be fair I can't blame this on Manchester or any other part of England I passed through as I was feeling ill before I left. I've bought all manner of stuff to try and help me recover, all of it fucking useless - you know the kind of crap; pills, blackcurrant flavoured hot drinks, sweets. Even Vic ointment.

Didn't do fuck all either.

I hate being ill, it makes me sick.

Stanhope In Manchester

Top stand-up comic Doug Stanhope is playing two nights in Manchester this weekend and I have tickets. The time on the tickets is showing 23:30 - seems like a late start if you ask me - but if you've ever seen his act you'll understand.

This may well be the greatest weekend ever. Kudos to 'Dangerous' for his generosity of getting us on the guest-list for Saturdays show, meaning we can get wasted Friday and even miss the show if we desire.

How bored must you be . . . .

to start a blog ? This fucking bored obviously. Whats next for me - a Myspace page ?