They Sikh Him There . . .

That fucking kid won her appeal against being told what to do when in a state school. Un-bastard-believable. I'm furious about this, a school has a no jewelry policy but that is not acceptable to some because they believe in fairy tales, so they are allowed special treatment.

It's fucking unreal this. I'm gonna start calling myself a satanist and insist I should be allowed to sacrifice animals, no fuck that; people, at my desk in work. If anyone disagrees, I claim "discrimination" and it's off to the courts with a bag full of tax payers cash !

Will someone please find the balls to stand up to this retarded shit, I'm fucking begging you.

The irony of all this is that she's sooo fucking ugly, the jewelry is completely wasted on her.

Honestly, face like a bulldog licking piss of a bangle.

Sherbert Fountain

I'm sat here eating, if that's the word, a Sherbet Fountain for probably the first time in 25 years and it's not as good as I'd remembered. I'm sure that it's way smaller than it used to be (yes I'm aware I may have grown during the last quarter of a century) and the ratio of liquorice to sherbet is skewed massively in favour of the sherbet. I like sherbet but without the liquorice to access it, it's redundant within the snack.

Overall, a nice drop of nostalgia but it's no Topic to be honest.

Next week, those paper U.F.O.s with fizzy shit in 'em.

Muslims On A Train

I've read reports recently that Muslims, suprise, suprise, are now complaining about the use of sniffer dogs after complaints that it is "against Islam". Apparently the only thing that isn't against Islam nowadays is blowing shit up.

There's an easy solution to this mind; put up signs outside the stations informing passengers that sniffer dogs are in operation and all passengers may be subject to search. You can also add a caveat that if this seems unacceptable to you then maybe you should take a fucking cab instead.

Or put up a sign that reads "Sniffer dogs will remain in operation as long as Muslims keep blowing things up."

Just stop fucking kow-towing to these fucking idiots, you cowardly spineless fuckers.

Fuck it, free skateboards for all Muslims - what ? that's against Islam too ? What a fucking suprise.

George Carlin

R.I.P.
He's only gone an bloody died ! George Carlin, or Roofus to the Bill & Ted Fans here, has sadly passed away at the age of 71.

Carlin, suffering from chest pains, was admitted to hospital Sunday morning but passed away at 5.55pm PDT.

He'll be sadly missed.

Du Du, Du-Du-Duuu I'm Hating It

I was leaving ASDA yesterday lunchtime, when I passed the disabled parking spaces and noticed one of the parking spaces was occupied by a car without a disabled badge. This isn't a rare occurrence nowadays, but this car was occupied by a grossly fat family of four, all wolfing down McDonald's as if they hadn't eaten for a week.

My fucking blood boiled, I can tell you.

They've put up large signs in and around the disabled parking bays, because the fucking huge yellow wheelchair signs painted onto the parking bays themselves couldn't be seen, presumably as they were all covered over with McDonald's rubbish, but who knows.

I wanted to cube the car with them still in it. Fuckers.

Hating For Jesus

Feel The Christian Love

"The victim of a homophobic assault has called on the DUP's Iris Robinson to resign over comments she made about homosexuality.

The Stormont health committee chair has condemned attacks on gay people.
But in an interview on Friday, she said as a Christian she viewed homosexuality as an abomination and that gay people should seek counselling.

Stephen Scott, who was assaulted by three youths in Newtownabbey, said her comments "disgusted" him.

Mr Scott said Mrs Robinson's comments had made him feel worse.
"I certainly will not rest until she stands down for what she's done, because she's made my life hell since her comments,"

Have you no empathy you fucking horrid cunt ? The man was attacked and assaulted purely on the basis of who he chooses to love, but being a bigoted fuck you can't appreciate that can you ?

Every time a fucking faith-head opens their mouths on TV they serve as a reminded to all rationalists just why it's so fucking good not to believe in a giant sky fairy - because you end up sounding like this stupid fucking cunt.

As a secular rationalist I find Christianity an abomination and that people who believe in a Jewish Zombie should seek counselling.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7447850.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7439661.stm

Another Missing Child

I have recently discovered the terrible news of yet another missing child, this time that of a young man, which obviously doesn't warrant as much press coverage as a small innocent girl.

The son of a single parent, Jesus as he is known has been missing now for over 2000 years, even though a global organisation known only as C.H.U.R.C.H. has been established to find him, they are no closer now than they were all those years ago when he originally went missing.

It is believed that Jesus was last seen in Golgotha and may have been talking to Roman soldiers, possibly asking for directions or the time, but there have been other sightings such as Bethlehem, Jerusalem and even as far as India and in one instance a piece of toast.

If you have any information regarding Jesus dissapearence please contact GOD.

That's Not All Folks !

It's The Stupid Muhammed Show
With the advent of more Muslim ire over the drawing of some more cartoons, the Norwegians responded by drawing some more cartoons.

I've also noticed that these cartoons are all black and white. Lets get some colour cartoons printed up and we should be able to get these idiots spontaneously combusting in the street, mid protest, as they froth at the mouth over some imagined slight on behalf of a known child rapist (yes Muhammed I'm looking at you here).

But it makes you wonder just how backward are the contries these idiots are from ? I mean who gets worked up about a badly drawn cartoon from Norway ? You'd think this kind of ranting would be done by the lunatic fringe wouldn't you, but, whilst they may well be lunatics, fringe they are not. Here's a few quotes from Pakistani politicians on this matter -

"What is terrorism? Terrorism you commit an act, and thereby invite a strong reaction. And that reaction when it gets into spin it is uncontrollable. Similarly this hurts the feelings of the Muslim community all around the world, and therefore I think in a way it is an act of terrorism." - Pakistan’s ambassador to Norway, Rab Nawaz Khan compares cartoons to terrorism.

"It isn’t just the people of Pakistan that feel they have been harassed by what your newspaper has begun, I’d like to know if your newspaper is satisfied with what it has done and what it has unleashed? Danes know that they have insulted people around the world by printing and reprinting the Mohammed cartoons, which were done in poor taste." - Pakistan’s ambassador to Denmark Fauzia Mufti Abbas justifying the bombing of a Danish Embassy.

I think there's only one way to counter this kind of thinking; more cartoons, this time in colour !

Britain's Got Talent

Won by a fucking fourteen year old break dancer.

Welcome to 19-fucking-80 folks !

I'll bet that dog was absolutely gutted, and I reckon even the dog knew that break dancing was shit. Now I'll be the first to admit that I've never seen the show and that's a position I'm more than comfortable with, especially in the light that the show was won by a break dancer. He also beat a Hip Hop dance crew (more fucking break dancing ?) as well as a martial arts duo (why didn't they fuck up Simon Cowell) as he body popped his way to the £100,000 prize money.

Now I wonder what will he do with this, so called, talent ? As far as I'm aware there isn't much call for break dancing nowadays and even at it's height I can never remember much call for it.

I reckon he'll have 'coked' away his £100,000 in no time and will embark upon his new career of rent boying by the time he's twenty.

The Power Of Christ Compels You !

It's gibberish of the highest order. It comes from one of the largest religions in the world, the Catholic Church, and is a statement that would make any sane person laugh in derision. I'm talking about the Catholic Churches recent statement that "activities such as yoga, massage therapy, reiki or even reading horoscopes could put people at risk from evil spirits."

I'd laugh but for fear it'd all end in tears. Or demonic possession.

This statement was uttered by Father Jeremy Davies, exorcist for Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, the leader of Catholics in England and Wales.

Father Davies is seventy three.

Anyway, I'm wondering how this kind of thing slips out. Has Father Davies, demon slayer extraordinaire, taken to hanging about the bell tower screaming at passersby like a modern day Quasimodo ? Or does the Catholic Church condone and, more importantly , believe this sort of thing ?

Either way it doesn't really matter. What's really the issue is that this is the same organisation that weighed in the the fertility and stem cell research bills being passed through Parliament. Politicians voted against these bills, not on scientific grounds but on the grounds on the teachings of an organisation which believes in magical evil spirits. Believe it or not these are the people that are running your country.

It just goes to show you can say and do anything as long as it's under the guise of some sort of religion.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021712/Yoga-horoscopes-lead-possession-Devil-claims-Cardinal.html

Aliens Stole My Hat, Claims Pope !

Not really, but even if Popey was to start claiming to be the victim of an Alien abduction would it really be any more daft than the stuff the Vatican usually comes up with ? No, no it wouldn't.

The Vaticans leading astronomer, "Father" Gabriel Funes, has claimed that "Intelligent being created by God could exist in outer space". Quite a fucking stretch eh ? I love how he's skipped over the actual existence of either of these beings and simply claimed that 'goddidit', no rhyme or reason just speculation, conjecture and blind faith.

According to the BBC web site Gabriel Funes "is a respected scientist who collaborates with universities around the world.", well if that's his idea of science I'd suggest he's better off making daft statements about religion and UFO's rather than bothering the scientists who are actually doing some real science.

He doesn't stop there though. He then goes on to say that "Science and religion need each other, and many astronomers believe in God". Oh, argument from authority much ? This statement comes after the recently discovered letters of Einstien in which he wrote that the bible was "a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this."

Argument from authority yourself, you might say. And you'd almost be right. But it goes to show that one of the most famous scientists in human history clearly did not need religion, so it is hard to see how science as a whole would require it.

But, again, why are we listening to these dolts on the subject of science ?

A Touching Tale Of Islamic Love

"For Abdel-Qader Ali there is only one regret: that he did not kill his daughter at birth. 'If I had realised then what she would become, I would have killed her the instant her mother delivered her,' he said with no trace of remorse.

Two weeks after The Observer revealed the shocking story of Rand Abdel-Qader, 17, murdered because of her infatuation with a British soldier in Basra, southern Iraq, her father is defiant. Sitting in the front garden of his well-kept home in the city's Al-Fursi district, he remains a free man, despite having stamped on, suffocated and then stabbed his student daughter to death.

Abdel-Qader, 46, a government employee, was initially arrested but released after two hours. Astonishingly, he said, police congratulated him on what he had done. 'They are men and know what honour is,' he said."

Where the fuck do I begin with this one ? I wasn't even going to mention it until I had a request to do so because it's simply so fucked-up in and of itself that merely commenting on it feels a little underwhelming.

First I'll fill you in on the rest of the details. Mental religious type discovers her daughter has developed a crush on a soldier of a different faith and, along with his two sons, beats and ultimately stabs her to death, in front of her mother, who, I might add, had originally called her two sons to stop her father. Sadly for her they too were of the "mental religious" disposition, so obviously piled straight in.

I'm feeling a little lazy and also this story is a little more depressing that the usual religious stupidity I comment on so I'll post up little snippets and then comment on them.

"'Death was the least she deserved,' said Abdel-Qader. 'I don't regret it. I had the support of all my friends who are fathers, like me, and know what she did was unacceptable to any Muslim that honours his religion,' he said. "

What kind of thinking could convince you that it is acceptable to kill your daughter ? What kind of thinking could convince others that it is acceptable for you to kill your own kin ? What kind of shit-pit, backward thinking, dark-ages time-warp trapped, intellectual dessert of a country could this kind of behaviour seem acceptable to the police ?

An Islamic country that's where.

If they aren't out in the street violently protesting teddy bears or cartoons, they're stuck inside kicking each other to death or making bombs to blow up slightly different muslims.

"Abdel-Qader, a Shia, says he was released from the police station 'because everyone knows that honour killings sometimes are impossible not to commit'. Chillingly, he said: 'The officers were by my side during all the time I was there, congratulating me on what I had done.'"

Bringing peace and a 21st century modern world zeitgeist to a country so culturally and morally backward that the police think infanticide is justified must be akin to attempting to teach howler monkeys Quantum Mechanics. In other words I really don't think it can be done.

I'll also take umbrage with the police "congratulating" him on what he had done. Its not a massive achievement is it ? Three men overpowering and murdering a 17 year old girl is hardly conquering Everest is it ?

"Homosexuality is punishable by death, a sentence Abdel-Qader approves of with a passion. 'I have alerted my two sons. They will have the same end [as Rand] if they become contaminated with any gay relationship. These crimes deserve death - death in the name of God,' he said. "

I'm always a little suspicious of anyone who is really passionately against homosexuality, as they say "Methinks the gentleman protest too much !"

But "Death in the name of God" ? Really ? Imagine if you ran this guy through some psychoanalysis ! Murdering your own child for speaking to a white man ? Fine. Killing your own children for falling in love with someone of the same sex ? Absolutely. Murdering your wife for daring to suggest you shouldn't kill your child ? Please be my guest.

Just be careful where you point that cartoon.

"Rand's mother used to call her 'Rose'. 'That was my nickname for her because when she was born she was so beautiful,' she said.
'Now, my lovely Rose is in her grave. But, God will make her father pay, either in this world ... or in the world after.'"

Yeah, you're not really helping here missus. It's this ridiculous notion of this god of yours that caused the trouble in the first place.

It is truly a mystery how these insane and dangerous myths still perpetuate in these modern, enlightened times.

Still, we're on the umpteenth series of Big Brother so we're hardly in a position to lord it over them are we ?

Jihad !

Fundiementally Mental

Saying The Daftest Things Out Loud !

You can read some weird shit on the net, just check out the comments on YouTube if you don't believe me, but there is one site that has them all beat, even Speak Your Branes. That site is none other that Fundies Say The Darndest Things, a collection of hilarious, frightening, weird statements of faith, or insanity depending on your state of mind, bundled together in one handy website.

You will never see such a collection of failed schooling anywhere else on earth. How many of these people have figured out how to use a computer is somewhat of a mystery, we are talking about people who have a world view that almost totally ignores scientific discoveries. The type of people who insist that Evolution is 'just a theory', that dinosours existed alongside mankind and that Kent Hovind was simply being creative with his accounting.


It's a fucking hoot.

Breaking News - Diana Still Dead

This just in; Lady Diana, Princess Of Wales, has not risen, Lazarus like, from the dead and still remains a corpse, a court heard today. Despite hearing how the Illuminati working alongside MI6 under the authority of Prince Philip, himself under direct control by The New World Order, the Inquest returned a verdict of "still dead by car crash.". The Inquest returned a similar verdict on Dodi Al Fayed.

Summing up the Inquest Lord Justice Scott Baker said there was no evidence suggesting a plot "by MI6 or Prince Philip" and that reported involvement by "The Illuminati" or "The New World Order" were baseless and without merit.

Summing up on the final day the coroner added that "Paul Burell is a lying cunt" who should "watch his fucking mouth in future".

Amazingly, Mr Burell was unavailable for comment.

Fitna

No sooner was Geert Wilders anti-Islamic film, Fitna, released than hundreds of Muslims proved him right, by taking to the streets with placards demanding the death of the film maker.

As these "men of peace" danced around Jakarta demanding the death of a man over a 15 minute film you know they'll never see, the dutch were out in force apologising to those demanding death and explaining that not all Muslims were extremists. Just the ones they were apologising to.

Bad Phorm, Old Bean.

Is this just a Phorm in a tea-cup ?

"I say old bean, would you mind awfully if I sold off your personal web browsing habits to a content specific advertising agency ?" asked Mr Phorm.

"What ?" I replied, wondering if I'd heard the gentleman correctly.

"Your browsing habits dear chap. I'd like to flog them onto advertisers who'll then bombard you with adverts who's content will be depend on what web sites you've been browsing." answered Mr Phorm, looking a little less self assured as I peer intently at him.

I pondered this for a second. Had I miss heard?

"Why would I want that ? I spend way too much time on porn torrent sites, downloading stuff I couldn't afford, so presumably I'll be getting content specific advertisements for porn DVDs. DVDs, I might add, that I can either not afford or already own ripped copies of."

I saw Mr Phorm squirm at this point, beads of sweat forming on his head as he mentally looked for an "out" of this conversation.

Adjusting his bowler, Mr Phorm continued ; "Well, it's a little more complicated than that Sir, plus it'll not interfere with your web experience . . . "

"It already has, Mr Phorm." I countered, moving fluidly inside Mr Phorms guard before he was even aware an attack had occurred. I struck immediately with Tsuki, stunning Mr Phorms, and as his hands raised instinctively I moved effortlessly into Sankyo, twisting his wrist and forcing him to cry out in agony. Using all his forward momentum I spun him a full semi-circle before smashing him, headlong, into the hard surface of my desk.

I released Mr Phorms and watch him slide to the floor, his face bloodied and tearful.

"Do you know what they call that, Mr Phorms ?" I enquired, looking at my fallen opponent with disdain.

"No." He croaked, staring up at me, bloodied and beaten.

"Denial Of Service, Mr Phorms, Denial Of Service."

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/ispphorm/

Shut The Fuck Up

Brown criticised over embryo bill

The leader of the Catholic church in Scotland has urged Gordon Brown to rethink "monstrous" plans to allow hybrid human-animal embryos.

Cardinal Keith O'Brien will use his Easter Sunday sermon to launch a scathing attack on over the government's controversial proposals.

He will also call on the prime minister to allow Labour MPs a free vote on the issue at Westminster.

Mr Brown has said the bill would improve research into many illnesses.

Supporters of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill believe hybrid embryos could lead to cures for diseases including multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer's disease.

Speaking at Prime Minister's Questions on Wednesday, Mr Brown said: "This is an important Bill that improves the facilities for research and is vital for dealing with life-threatening diseases."

But in his sermon, which was released on Friday, Cardinal O'Brien claims that the Bill would lead to the endorsement of experiments of "Frankenstein proportion".

He will say: "This Bill represents a monstrous attack on human rights, human dignity and human life."

Ok. We'll deal with the irony here first. A Catholic priest complaining about infringements on human rights. That's right. A Catholic priest complaining about infringements on human rights.

Got that ? Good.

Right let's move on.

The thing that really grates is just what the fuck makes this crazily dressed dolt think that the scientific community, one that his "organisation" has ignored or dismissed for centuries, would have any interest in what he says ? I mean the pope has only recently gotten around to admitting that Gallelio was right, so why on earth would the Cardinal feel competent to leap into a debate on a subject he is not qualified to comment on ?

Sheer fucking arrogance, that's why.


Gordon Brown should have his secretary write back to the dolt asking exactly what scientific qualifications this deluded loon has and what scientific reasons there are for halting such ground-breaking and vital research. If the answer comes back, and I suspect it will, filled with religious rhetoric and fawning morality,but no actual science, he should be told, quite succiently, to "SHUT THE FUCK UP".

Even If I Do Say Jehovah ?

Yet another nail has been hammered into the coffin that carries the long deceased corpse of British Blasphemy Law, this time, ironically, it has been done by Christian Voices' very own Stephen "Dog Shit" Green !

With his relentless pursuit of Jerry Springer - The Opera, for daring to put on a play about Jebus, it would appear that the powers that be, or in this case the Law Lords, had finally had enough of this giant fucking douche and have agreed to amendment 144B of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill, which waves goodbye to the Blasphemy Law.

I'm fucking loving this, all we need to round things off is for the British Press to grow some balls and print up those Mohammed cartoons.

Oh Lourdey !

It's a Miracle ! No, it's a fairytale you dolt.











Mad Hatter with Mad Hat !

Quoted from the BBC News Wesite:

Pope Benedict XVI has authorised special indulgences to mark the 50th anniversary of the Virgin Mary's reputed appearance at Lourdes. Catholics visiting the site within a year of 8 December will be able to receive an indulgence, which the Church teaches can reduce time in purgatory. Lourdes has drawn pilgrims since Mary was said to have appeared in 1858 to shepherdess Bernadette Soubirous. The waters of the French shrine are said to have miraculous healing powers.

I'd say you couldn't make it up but, ironically, somebody clearly has. This is a clear example of not letting rationality interfere with the working of your mind or, dare I add (yes dare, dare !), your wallet. What gets to me the most is the final sentence that "The waters of the French shrine are said to have miraculous healing powers. " yes they are said to have special Jesus Juice™ added that gives the water the incredible healing powers of Jesus. It's also said, mind you, that the Moon is made of blue cheese, but when NASA had a look into this it turned out the Moon was made of, well the Moon. But certainly not cheese, not even Wensleydale. Yet the BBC never mentions this is any of their Space articles.

And just what in the name of Christ is an "indulgence" ? I'll wager the choir boys of the Vatican were none too pleased to hear about this, but they must've breathed a sigh of relief when they realised it in no way involved them being trouser-less and bent over anything at all but was, in fact, a reference to a Bronze Age myth and really only of interest to the terminally deluded.

Come on, you all know the chorus "Where did you get that hat ? where did you get that hat . . . . . "

Turbo Turban Bomber

Waah, waaaah, waaaaa !

We should make this a fucking national holiday, Turban Bomber Day, in which everyone gets a free T-Shirt with this image on that these ever-so-easily upset Muslims seem to find so offensive.

I don't think this goes far enough mind. I still want to burn this onto the fucking moon with a laser, lets have these morons out in the streets burning effigies of the moon, eh ?

Anyway, without further ado I hereby present Muhammed the bummer - I mean bomber. Phew, almost caused offense there !